Sex education - primary school children

Sex education is an ongoing process of communication with your child. Like preschoolers, primary school-aged children need age-appropriate information about the biological processes of sex and reproduction. However, your conversations need to start broadening their scope to include topics such as puberty, sexual responsibility, feelings and relationships.

It is important to prepare your child for what will become an important part of their adult life. If you feel reluctant, keep in mind that it’s usually harder to talk to a teenager about sex than it is to a preteen. Laying the groundwork now may also help keep the lines of communication open during your child’s teenage years.

Normal sexual development of a primary school-aged child
Don’t be horrified or alarmed if your child has an interest in sexual issues or displays certain sexual behaviours - this is completely normal. Typical behaviours can include:

They become modest and embarrassed about being naked in front of their parents.
They start gravitating towards same sex friends and may complain about ‘girl germs’ or ‘boy germs’ when speaking of the opposite sex.
Games with other children could include kissing games and marriage role-play.
Children are curious about gender differences, sexual intercourse and pregnancy, and may discuss these issues amongst themselves with varying degrees of accuracy.
Sex play, such as ‘playing doctor’, may still occur because children of this age are interested in knowing more.
General suggestions
Suggestions on talking to your preteen about sexual issues include:
Don’t decide that your child’s sex education is only the responsibility of the school - a child’s most influential role models are their parents.
If you are unapproachable, your child will turn to other sources of information that may not be reliable, such as friends.
Talking about sex shouldn’t be a solemn lecture. Instead, chat about sexual issues together as part of your everyday family life. Don’t be afraid to have a few laughs.
Try to be open and relaxed when talking about sex. If you act embarrassed or mortified, your child will get the message that sexual issues are taboo topics.
Be clear about what you’re trying to say and don’t skirt around the issue. For example, simply telling your child to ‘protect yourself’ doesn’t teach them anything about contraception.
Older children like to think they already know everything there is to know about sex. If this is the case, ask them questions so that you can identify the gaps in their knowledge.
Read age-appropriate books on sex together with your child.
The changes of puberty
Puberty brings about dramatic physical and emotional changes that may be frightening to an unprepared child. Suggestions include:
If you are unsure or unclear about the changes of puberty, find out.
Use age-appropriate sex education materials, such as books, to help explain to your child what changes they will undergo.
Girls can start their periods as young as eight years old. Make sure they know what to expect. Show them what tampons and sanitary pads look like.
Boys need to know about unwanted erections and wet dreams, so that these occurrences don’t alarm them.
Inform girls about male pubertal changes, and boys about female pubertal changes.
The biology of sex and reproduction
Suggestions include:
Build upon the foundations laid in their earlier years. Their sex education should include more detail.
Be honest and truthful. If your child asks ‘Why do men and women have sex?’, don’t just say ‘To make babies’. Explain that people also have sex because they enjoy it and it feels good.
If they ask about same sex relationships, tell them that some people have sex with people of the same sex.
Use age-appropriate materials, such as books, to help explain the issues.
The Hormone Factory is a website aimed at 10 to 12 year olds that explains puberty, sexual intercourse and sexual issues in a clear, light-hearted way. You could browse through the website together, clarifying any questions your child may have.
Sexual responsibility
Suggestions include:
Once your child understands how babies are made, you can start discussing contraception. If you feel comfortable, show them your contraceptive pills or unwrap a condom so that they have a clearer understanding.
Children need to be aware that sex can transmit diseases. Discuss safer sex issues, like the importance of always using a condom.
Teach both girls and boys that sex should be something both people want, and that everyone has the right to say ‘no’.
Talk about unwanted sexual touching. Stress that no one has the right to touch their genitals, and that they should tell you straightaway if it occurs.
Feelings and relationships
Suggestions include:
Think about your own moral, ethical and religious sexual standards so that you can better explain your point of view to your child. It may help to discuss these issues first with your partner.
If you have firm views about sexual issues, now is the time to start talking to your child about them. Be prepared for the possibility that your child may agree with you now but, over time, may either accept or reject your point of view.
Stress that relationships are about respecting yourself and the other person, and having consideration for the partner’s feelings.
Discuss sex in its wider context, as an important part of adult life that includes long term relationships and families.
What to do if you feel uncomfortable
You may have found that discussing sex with your child was okay in their preschool years, but the extra detail required as your child gets older feels too embarrassing to talk about. Or perhaps you’ve been waiting so long for the ‘right time’ that you haven’t talked to your child about sex at all. Suggestions include:
Get some materials - get some age-appropriate materials, such as books or videos, and look through them with your child.
Be honest if you feel embarrassed - if you can’t face talking about sex, provide the materials and let your child look through them alone. If your child has questions for you, try your best to answer them. If you are too shy, explain this to your child.
Use the Internet - log onto a good website, like The Hormone Factory, and let your child browse alone.
Ask someone else - you could ask a trusted relative or friend to talk to your child in your place.
Explain your own attitudes - keep in mind that your child won’t know about your morals, values and beliefs unless you tell them.
Where to get help
Your doctor
Your child’s school
Bookshops or libraries
The Hormone Factory at: www.thehormonefactory.com

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